Q. Dear Lynn,

I visited my folks over Christmas and  it’s clear that they could use the sort of help I would provide if I lived nearby.  Like getting the tree back outside, or shoveling. My mother shovels the steps one step at a time, just wide enough to walk down. She doesn’t want my dad to shovel at all. They’re not totally infirm, really, but slowing down. Suggestions?  Charlie G. (Massachusetts son) 

A: Charlie,

It sounds like your folks need to call around the neighborhood and find a kid who wants to shovel for a little pocket money. If you have friends in town still, perhaps they can help you locate a teenager. Sometimes there are job boards at local supermarkets that host local handyman services and home help companies that provide non-medical assistance.

You should encourage your parents to continue activities that are both fun and safe, but shoveling just 18 inches on each step isn’t safe….it’s what she can manage.  Have a talk with your parents about what sort of help they think they need to keep their home safe for themselves and visitors. (It’s not about what they can and can’t do, it’s about being safe….and about how they WANT to spend their energy.)  They’re at the stage in life where managing risks (like letting someone else take the tree outside) will really pay off.

There are really only two options for homeowners in Maine: shovel out or stay in. Since neither option is acceptable for your aging parents, it’s OK to have the safety chat with your folks, couched in love and respect, with the expectation of finding an appropriate solution.

Best,  Lynn